get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
