If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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