apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize