I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
