I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
