I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
