windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
