It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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