also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
