buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We had sex on a dog bed..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
