He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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