So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize