I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
