I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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