Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
