They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
