What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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