Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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