Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I sprained my soul last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
