im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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