I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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