We're like a lot better than the average bears
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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