I want to make a zoo with you.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
