He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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