I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
