my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
