first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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