Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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