a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
