Moan for me like Helen Keller
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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