My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
