I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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