I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize