I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
