I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
