I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
