needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
