I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
