We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
