We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize