Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
