just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
