Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
