I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
