Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
a search helicopter?!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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