I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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