Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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