Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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