party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
