Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
