Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
