i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just found a bag of teeth...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
