a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
