oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
