Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
