there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
