i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
