I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
