sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
