Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
