also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
