Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
