Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
