i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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