Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
