You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
