So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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